its the weirdest time to do this. i am sleepy as hell after sleeping 8 hours and waking up at 4pm, going to church..am now back in hall..2 more papers to go before im done. ive got a whole lot of things to do, sleep to catch on, friends to talk to, eyebags to get rid of etc etc..and! i come here? to bloG??

reading tru the past entries made me realise how my days have just been a mad, MAD whirldwind of events...i was reading stuff from awhile ago..last year? havent been putting things down much this year. in fact, not at all. why? i dont know but i figured life's too messy right now. its a very hectic, pile of mess. fun sometimes - very fun, even- but mostly, very emotionally taxing. theres a billion and one things to do a day and no its never related to the academics.

maybe i just cannot take it la. haha. eggshell skull?

i DEMAND some stability. i want to just sit down, have some time for myself. me-time, they call it? i think i havent had some quiet time alone (save for now) since half a year ago during the holidays? probably a few pleasant hours at home..im nt too sure. the last time i stepped home was 3 weeks ago. tdy i went to QOP church, but nope, not home.

i wanna sit home and read a book, think about difficult scenarios and emotional situations, but NOT be actually a party inside. i just wanna Think and Analyse, and maybe, ImaginE and day-dream myself to be one of those characters in complicated, dramatic, emotional situations...BUT i dont actually wanna be involved. its just nice to think and imagine u'll be the good party and do everything Rational and logical. but it isnt the case. sometimes you KNOW what you should rightly do in certain situations..its so stark and obvious, and it seems SO DENSE to NOT carry it out. but talking abt it and actually doing it is another thing. no matter how u imagine urself to be inside that situation, it cannot be as intense as actually being IN it. i think i end up as something like what others might call a bitch, but of cos im not going to tell u what happened.

hm im gg to shower and go to the central lib. you see the thing about blogging? u end up talking about yourself and now i feel pretty queasy.