i have been very very very hungry these few days. i dont know why. the stomach gets soury all the time. and it makes weird stomach-noises. even when im eating. if you know me, you'll know that i eat; even that is probably an understatement. haha. i think i eat alot for a girl. and these few days, ive been eating like a boy. more than a boy. generally for a human being, i eat alot. i think ive become like a cow. maybe.

my mother got very pissed with me today because of that. she said 90% of the time she sees me at home, im eating. and she says i empty the house of all the junk food. she made me sound so greedy! and she said she's no longer going to buy junk like biscuits and milo and cereal. and even peanut butter and nutella! it's going to be jam for my gardenia bread from now on. she knows i dont eat jam straight from the jar like i do to the nutella. and all she's going to buy fr the supermarket from now on are vegetables and meat stuff for cooking. ONLY.

i guess i shdnt be fretting over the stock of junk food at home, and being moderately upset about it. lets look on the bright side: i'll probably get skinny la!

but its really just this week that im extremely hungry. always hungry. i wake up hungry and while im eating breakfast, im hungry. after breakfast, the stomach starts the feeling-sourish thing..and then i cant wait till recess. freak! its really very annoying. i think and talk about food all the time. ive got no more life!!!!! besides im wasting alot of money on food. its like a 24hr gastric. and poor friends. they've got to bear with me. im talking food, thinking food, now im blogging food, ive become a weirdo.

i think it was yesterday when my mother (she wasnt angry with me then) said she thinks it might be stomach cancer; she said i cant possibly get stomach ulcer when i eat all the time. (im probably going to the doctor tomorrow afternoon to check it out.) oh. then she paused, and said "tell me honestly, are you PREGNANT?"
i very nearly fell off. she said it so seriously. what was she thinking!?!

then she knew she said something wrong, and then said "aiya. i say that because its better than getting cancer anyway"

so im probably going to the doctor's tomorrow. i think its no big deal, but my mother said to go. she's quite serious about the cancer thing, cos both sides of my family have got the history. actually i dont feel like going because im afraid of how i'll sound like to the doctor? i'll sound so GREEDY. its going to be a waste of money anyway, there wont be any exciting discovery of cancer im sure. probably something boring.i expect he'll just take my height and weight.and he'll ask if im anorexic bulimic or if i have any relationship problems thats why im binging - and then perhaps refer me to the psychiatrist!
some nonsense like that, probably. [i'll do that if i were a doctor hahahhaha ;) i can imagine myself being irritated by teenage girls complaining that they're hungry. its a stupid reason to visit the doctor]

oh for a moment yesterday i was thinking about cancer. i know its not going to happen to me now, because im not yet done with living. but i was thinking about others, the people i knew who had cancer, or died from cancer etc. people and life, and how little things can just take it away..and what if you're gone before you get the chance to do what you really wanted? (doesnt this all sound so cliche?) okay. im sorry im repeating it then, but the reason why it is over and over again is because it is the truth. THATS why its cliche.

and i did think about the things i want to do too. there are things i really wanna do in life, even if i were to fall ill or something, i wont go without a fight unless ive accomplished them. my A levels to pass, a husband to marry, clothes to buy. i want to have babies with the man i love- i wanna see how they look like, daddy or mummy? [pretty and handsome and cute with a ROUND face im sure! ;) ] i wanna be the bridesmaid during geri's wedding, i wanna babysit jen's children, i wanna shop with sam even when we're 40, 50, 60 years old. and maybe phoebe's kids and my kid's cld attend st hilda's pri sch and be childhood sweethearts. u know? haha. jieying and i cld be still making earrings, and perhaps we cld set up a store!

i mean, who knows what the future holds. it's morbid to think about death when your eighteen. but thinking about what death cld rob you off makes u wanna whack it in its face. i think its not fair when u know of young people dying. it's so sad to think of what they cld do, and what they've missed out.

i realised that life's been very good to me, it's been like a playground. everything's been easy and pretty. there wasnt anything i regretted, or any terrible tragedy that happened. every bit of my life has been alright, and even if i cried, or felt upset, it turned out good in the end anyway. there's really nothing that happened that i didnt wanna happen. basically there's nothing i would change about myself if i were to turn back time. anyway im not someone who regrets.

if u hate someone, life's going to be a lot uglier for you. but my life's been pretty because it's not even the least bit DIFFICULT to love everyone you meet. i have been very blessed to know wonderful wonderful people that i can naturally love without trying! haha. and its not hard to be happy when you've got people you love everywhere.

it's a little scary knowing that u've got things good and easy, because if its been good, then it means the bad times havent come yet. but then again, maybe it isnt that i got things good, but just that it seems good when you look at the pretty side of things.

wait. this entry is a little too long!

how did i jump from being hungry to this?