Friday, Nov. 10, 2006

Hello! been lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for the past 3 hours, cos i didnt wanna start work. anyway, when i finally got myself out, it was to get breakfast, and now im seated in front of the computer.

there's only today saturday and sunday to study goodness me!

anyway i was reading my entries 2 years ago, at about this time in 2004.

i am so the same person la. all the bad points intact. talking, whining about the same things, pledging to change, and BELIEVING THAT I WILL CHANGE, but i went one whole round in 2 whole years, and i am still...very much the same person.

i did ask questions like 'why are we studying?' or 'why am i not studying hard' 'what am i doing with my life?' 'will i see these people again?' and 'oh i love my class, the people' 'will we keep in touch?' and 'i will be more hardworking next time' and 'i wanna get married to the love of my life and live happily ever after'. also, 'should i get a holiday job?' 'why am i so happy?' 'why am i not happy?''how can anyone stand me if i cant stand myself'..etc

this is so unnerving. i wanna slap the girl who wrote the blog, but yet as i say this, i sound exactly like the person there. i bet she said this 2 years ago, and two years later the same girl is gg to come to me and say the same things as im saying now. and so on and so forth.

like come on, you are so self-absorbed! stop talking about yourself please, and just be a better person, enjoy life, do something useful, and maybe -yaaaa, if u just realised that studying is useful, then please go and study.

but then again, perhaps its the nature of blogging that make bloggers seem like conceited, self-absorbed, navel-gazers. actually, ive hardly come across a blog in which the blogger doesnt talk mainly about himself. i mean what do u expect, World News or something uh? the only appropriate thing to talk about is about yourself, be it what happened around u, what u think of something etc. because its inappropriate rather, to talk about anything else..it'll turn out to be bitching or gossiping or criticising. theres a thin line over there. so yeah, perhaps subconciously, people -maybe just me i dont know- choose to talk about the safest thing, which is to talk about things around themselves.

like when i read my journals, i dont feel the sorta contempt for myself as i feel when i read my past blog entries. in fact, actually right, when i read my past journal entries, i feel quite pleased with myself for being the person that i was then, for writing those things, for actually doing those things that i believed in. urm,i hope that doesnt come across as being overconfident. anyone who says that blogs and journals are the same thing probably doesnt have either one of them, or probably the person writes without having an audience in mind. it is difficult to NOT care about what people will think. dont most blog entries always sound a little bit restricted, a little bit politically correct, a little bit too careful? so they'll talk about themselves. safest thing in the world. another alternative is to talk about mundane daily happenings, which is boring la. or u can choose to heck the world and talk about anything u like because 'it's my blog and i have the right to say anything i want-if u dont like it please get out'. i guess u can opt for an option like that, but once people read something they dont like, u think they're going to care about your 'disclaimer' whatsoever? see that poor rj minister-daughter girl? i dont think she is as nasty a person as she came across as on her blog. perhaps she was just venting, and it went too far. u know how people can be like when they're not in the mood, and they say things they dont mean. its just that its too bad she typed it out; people DO read the things she said, and they too bad took it to heart. she may say that its her blog, its her right, but who's going to care when they've been insulted? all they wanna do is to get back. they say irrelevant things about her boob size and her face and her mole; things that are of no relevance at all to the issue. poor girl. but fair enough la. she shouldnt have been so mean in the first place.

okay look how i have deviated. i think i better get out of home, if not i'll end up bumming around home the whole day.

jotted in plain black and white at 11:49 a.m.
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